Los Angeles – Physicists from UCLA’s department of Theoretical Elementary Particles today voiced concerns about the effect next week’s Electronic Entertainment Expo is having on the fabric of space-time. According to specialists in the nature of time at the university, a series of increasingly anomalous results from experiments conducted in UCLA’s high energy lab forewarn of a potentially dangerous, perhaps apocalyptic disruption to the normal flow of time. In cooperation with several other research facilities around the world, and by pouring through the mounds of data being produced by multiple particle accelerators, a logarithmic increase in so called “causal fractures” has been identified. Using[…]
Encino, France – Comrade Dan Amrich of Activision’s Ministry of Public Affairs today announced details of the sweeping compensation reform in the newly recognized People’s Republic of Infinity Ward. Spoils seized from the bourgeois tyrants Zampella and West’s personal treasury during last month’s revolution has been placed in trust and will be redistributed to the honest working class with all haste. The cowards Zampella and West remain in exile on the Isle of Man, impotent, as the proletariat they oppressed for so long continue to build their utopia!
Marvel and Capcom Fight over Who Created Unpopular New Character Honolulu, HI – Last week during Capcom’s annual Captivate press event the publisher revealed the existence of Marvel vs Capcom 3, a modern sequel to the well-loved series of fighting games pitting Marvel’s biggest superheroes and villains against characters from Capcom’s considerable library of intellectual property. Capcom hinted that there should be more than 30 characters playable in the game at release, but so far they have only announced seven of those characters through a cinematic teaser. confirmed are Wolverine, Iron Man, Hulk, Ryu, Morrigan, Chris Redfield and a new[…]
Describes Agency “Crippled by Nightmarish Bureaucracy” Washington, DC – Capt Aaron Mercer, former US Air Force pilot and recently discharged member of X-Com, was today called before the Senate Defense subcommittee to testify concerning his allegations about chronic mismanagement at the troubled international UFO defense agency. Committee members reacted with outrage as he described an organization whose many failures and budget overruns could be attributed to a broken command structure where individual teams and departments are denied the authority to act on anything without explicit orders. Capt Mercer became emotional as he elaborated the problems. “We had a team of[…]
World renowned celebrity hacker geohot, who first rose to fame in 1992 when portrayed by actor Dan Aykroyd in the classic hacking movie Sneakers, today held a press conference in YouTube’s New York studios to announce the fruits of his current project to once and for all unleash the secret capabilities of the Sony PlayStation 3. In utter defiance of the Fatwa issued by SCEA Imam Jack al-Tretton, geohot (real name George Hotz) outlined his three step strategy with the help of multimedia PowerPoint presentation as follows: First, he intends to once and for all release publicly the code for the exploit he courageously developed early[…]
David Cage, the auteur behind PS3 exclusive Heavy Rain today took the stage at Sony’s GDC conference to announce his next project. Building off the revolutionary tooth-brushing gameplay featured in Heavy Rain, this as yet untitled dentist simulator will utilize the PlayStation Move motion controller to place the player inside the mouths of a cavalcade of colorful patients. Players will work their way though various procedures, starting at a standard cleaning and moving up in difficulty through root canals and Laser Periodontal Therapy. Quantic Dreams plans to have the title out this fall for the PlayStation Move’s launch.