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Swine Flu linked to Violent Video Games

Disreputable news outlets are reporting the findings of a Pennsylvania housewife who dreamed last week that the deadly H1N1 virus, known colloquially as the swine flu, is the result of a mutation that occurred when SARS was exposed to Grand Theft Auto 4. Video game critics Dave Grossman, Jack Thompson and countless Fox News pundits nearly wet themselves with excitement when the story broke as the various news outlets started booking self proclaimed violent video game experts for television appearances again.

Algebra, Computer Science AND Biology? WOW!

Crusading zealots suspect the original disease was bombarded by the same video game-based radiation that turns shiny happy people into ruthless mass-murderers creating the deadly new pandemic. They have urged the creation of reeducation centers attached to major hospitals where children can experience a therapeutic form of hyperbole and brow-beating expected to purge their diseased bodies of the demonic game influence before they cross the veil.

The video game industry has yet to respond to this latest development, though one developer we spoke with today said, “that’s the stupidest thing anyone has ever said,” but asked we not use their name. The CDC also refuses to comment on the situation, acting as if the story did not even merit denouncement.

We will keep you updated as the story develops.

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