Physicists Warn of Temporal Catastrophe Likely at E3

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Los Angeles – Physicists from UCLA’s department of Theoretical Elementary Particles today voiced concerns about the effect next week’s Electronic Entertainment Expo is having on the fabric of space-time. According to specialists in the nature of time at the university, a series of increasingly anomalous results from experiments conducted in UCLA’s high energy lab forewarn of a potentially dangerous, perhaps apocalyptic disruption to the normal flow of time.

In cooperation with several other research facilities around the world, and by pouring through the mounds of data being produced by multiple particle accelerators, a logarithmic increase in so called “causal fractures” has been identified. Using this data, scientists have determined the likely source of the disturbance in both space and time: June 15th at the LA Convention Center.

As this coincides with the 2010 Electronic Entertainment Expo (or E3), researchers speculate the event itself may be the cause. Professor Henry Arbinger spoke on behalf of the team investigating the disruption.

“We have run simulations on a number of scenarios involving, perhaps, some kind of Xbox versus PlayStation fanboy singularity or an unprecedented backlash against the Project Natal reveal, but in our calculations it is most likely that so many game sequels and franchise reboots will be announced by publishers during the course of the show that the flow of time will literally be corrupted. Since this is disturbing the fundamental nature of causality, it is impossible to predict what this will mean for life on Earth, or even the universe at large. The fact that we can measure the temporal shockwave as it travels backwards through time tells us there is no way of stopping the event. Nor is there any practical defense against it. We can only offer this advise: pray.”

We at will continue to monitor the situation closely as E3 looms closer.