Hacker Geohot: God or Supergod?

Akyroyd as geohot pictured: third or fourth from the left.

World renowned celebrity hacker geohot, who first rose to fame in 1992 when portrayed by actor Dan Aykroyd in the classic hacking movie Sneakers, today held a press conference in YouTube’s New York studios to announce the fruits of his current project to once and for all unleash the secret capabilities of the Sony PlayStation 3. In utter defiance of the Fatwa issued by SCEA Imam Jack al-Tretton, geohot (real name George Hotz) outlined his three step strategy with the help of multimedia PowerPoint presentation as follows:

First, he intends to once and for all release publicly the code for the exploit he courageously developed early this year, even as a team of SCEJ ninjas crashed through his sky light in the dead of night with orders to kill. Weilding a wakizashi in one hand and a Microsoft Natural Keyboard in the other, geohot repelled the attackers, finished compiling his custom code and uploaded an announcement to his blog in an epic battle that lasted until rays of light from the rising sun pierced his ruined home and the surviving ninjas committed seppuku all over his living room carpet.

geohot's model did not feature the starlight scope.

Second, he is readying the imminent release of his new custom firmware for the PS3 which updates the system to the current 3.21 version without disabling support for the OtherOS feature that allows one to install linux on any pre-Slim version of the PS3 hardware. He began to play a video demonstrating his custom firmware hack running on a test systems when a burst of gunfire rained down from the rafters above. Exhibiting inhuman speed and preternatural senses, geohot narrowly avoided being shot by shielding himself with the 60 plasma screen television that had been displaying his presentation. In a flash he produced a silenced Walther P99 and killed the sniper with a single shot. The body became entangled in the light rigging as it fell from the scaffolding.

Hastily, geohot calmed the gathered reporters and shooed a few away from a curtained area of the stage that sounded suspiciously like it concealed a running hairdryer, before rolling right into his final announcement as if nothing untoward had happened. According to geohot, all models of the PS3 are not only capable of running linux, emulating the PS2 and playing Super CDs, but they also have the hardware necessary to play Xbox 360 and Wii games, as well as HD-DVDs. According to him there are simply “software switches currently set to off” in the official Sony firmware and he intends to enable these capabilities in future versions of his custom firmware. To demonstrate this he turned on a smaller TV near the curtained area and began to boot up a PS3.

While waiting for his exploit to run to completion the crowd was briefly distracted when geohot cried out, “Dear God, what is that?” and pointed to the back of the room. When it turned out to be nothing, geohot continued to show off his success in booting a copy of Fable II on his hacked PS3. Incredibly, geohot was able to modify the 360 controller he used with the PS3 while playing Xbox games. When asked if we would be allowed to see the actual PS3 the demo was running on he explained he had to keep it behind the curtain due to an embarrassing Rainbrow Bright sticker his niece had stuck on his system. “Also, it’s a fingerprint magnet.” he added.

The press conference ended suddenly as a number of the reporters present lost sight of their journalistic objectivity and compulsively attempted to fellate Mr. Hotz without permission. He escaped by diving through a nearby window for a rope ladder dangling from a hovering helicopter. The stage self destructed as the mob of rapturous journalists fell into a swoon.

Here’s the video of his CFW in action.