Bobby Kotick Wields Secret Army as Cudgel

"Hi, I use this guitar to hobble my enemies."

News broke late today about a dust up between Activision and the leadership at Infinity Ward, the creators of Call of Duty. Perhaps more alarming than the sudden departure, and apparent firing, of the studio’s founders is the original report from which confirms the existence of Activision’s long rumored Gestapo.

Infinity Ward employees sent numerous twitter and facebook updates as Bobby Kotick’s goon squad surrounded their building and stormed the premises. The artists and programmer valiantly defended their cubicles with airsoft guns, nerf darts and shaken-up cans of soda, but they were eventually routed. A reliable death count is not available, but pictures on twitpic show harrowing scenes of carnage where blood and Mountain Dew stain every surface and action figures litter the floor.

Bobby Kotick recently gave the key-note address at DICE in Las Vegas, a speech that seemed engineered to rehabilitate his public image as a duplicitous, evil man. With the incident at Infinity Ward coming so soon after, one has to wonder if Kotick hasn’t been forced to reveal his strength far sooner than he would have liked. No longer will he be able to build his army in secret, but it remains to be seen whether their is time enough left to counter his dominion.

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