Furious PSP-3000 attacks Tokyo!

A glimpse of the beast seconds before it swooped down, crushing dozens.
A glimpse of the beast seconds before it swooped down, crushing dozens.

Lost in the torrent of news coming out of the Tokyo Game Show last week, perhaps the biggest story was an attack on the city’s populous by an enormous, enraged PSP-3000.

36 people attending the convention were killed in the rampage that lasted over two hours, most in the first terrifying minutes. Many more were injured in the panic that ensued. Tokyo police evacuated the building and established a security perimeter, but the attack was not stopped until the PSP’s battery ran out. A booth attendant from Konami, who witnessed the events, speculated that the death toll could have been much higher had the PSP not been running off a UMD at the time.

An executive from Square-Enix, who was also in the hall at the time, speculates the PSP-3000 became violent after being repeatedly rejected for the smaller, sleeker and sexier PSPgo launching this week. “I think he was jealous of the new style PSP. His giant size turns people off, compared to the pocket-sized PSPgo.”

Agents from the Japanese Self Defense Force were seen transporting the motionless PSP, still stained with blood, away from the scene. Inquiries as to the final fate of the device went unanswered by the JSDF.